The Exercise

It is not what you think

“Memento Mori: a skeleton in a niche,” engraving by Master IAM of Zwolle (Netherlandish, active ca. 1470–95), late 15th century

“How would you live if you knew this was your last day on earth?”

We have all heard, or repeated, some variant of this.

This familiar formulation is supposed to get us in touch with essentials. But there is a trace of self-centeredness to it. As though my personal experience is the pinnacle of life.

Once upon a time, I said something like this to a teacher, a senior member of the Gurdjieff work who was visiting New York City from Paris.

She reversed it on me.

“Instead of that,” she said, “ask yourself, ‘What if my wife and children were living their last day on earth?’ What would that mean?”

To echo her: what if the people you most immediately love were living their last twenty-four hours?

For me, the search is too often public. I know the right appearances in the right settings. There is an element of theater about it.

The real search occurs out of sight. Not only in the mirror that I see—were it that simple—but in the mirror I do not see: the reflection, and results, of my acts and attitudes in the lives of others, especially those few I love. (People who love “everyone” love no one.)

I have failed in the search until that reflection is as fixed before my eyes as the reflection of my personal wants and reaches, even those I consider “inner” or “noble” or whatever self-elevating concepts I use.

I invite myself—and you—for an hour today to consider this prospect. What if the people you most immediately love are living their last twenty-four hours?

Can I, or you, commit an hour to that? Try.